Episode 24 - Mid-Life Crisis on Opposite Earths

Assuming mid-life crises are real--which we aren't so sure of--what is the "best" one to experience? Also, Jonathan has ideas (to be generous) about opposites that you may or may not agree with.

Episode 23 - The 2018 Christmas Episode

Anyone else hear something on the roof? Of course not, because Santa Claus doesn't exist. But that won't stop us from speaking fondly of Christmas in the 2018 Christmas episode! We talk decorations, the pain of gift exchanges, and caroling this year. Join us by the fire, won't you?

Episode 22 - Embracing the Embrace, Part Deux

This one isn't about vampires, actually. We're talking about literal embraces: hugs! Also handshakes, high fives, and other forms of physical contact...and why we aren't thrilled with them.

Episode 21 - We're No Grown-Ups

Do you feel like an adult? When did you start feeling like an adult? Does anyone ever make you feel like a kid? Also, infomercial purchases and a new idiom!

Episode 20 - Embracing the Embrace

If you could be a vampire, would you? Jim doesn't know a lot about vampires, but he knows what he likes. We cover all kinds of goofy vampire stuff and come to a surprising conclusion.

Episode 19 - We're No Exorcists

Happy Halloween! Fun holiday, but it doesn't really make a lick of sense. What the hell is the point of jack-o'-lanterns, putting kids in crappy costumes, giving out candy, basically every single thing about Halloween? Well, don't get your hopes up as far as finding out goes. But tune in for a heck of a Kevin Bacon connection.

Episode 18 - Good-for-Nothin' Podcasters (Us)

Do you feel like you're good at anything? Because we kinda don't. Why is that? And what does being "good" at something even mean? And if you could be good at something, what would it be? Also: headphone norms, gummy bear origins, and a situation in which Jonathan did not tip.

Episode 17 - Leggo My Alter Ego

If you had superpowers, would you fight crime? Would you take on a secret identity? Would you cash in? Most importantly, would you come up with your own stupid name and costume?

Episode 16 - World Wide Woe

Though this may be biting the hand that feeds us, big parts of the Internet suck. So why do we engage? What is it that makes the Internet suck? What can we do about it? And have you heard the good word about the courtesy flush?

Episode 15 - Gremlins & Graboids

Join us for a brief foray into a format change in the first third of this episode, wherein the show becomes a Batman podcast. Stick around for a frustratingly difficult investigation into what makes a good pet name and why some names work better than others.

Episode 14 - Largesse and In Chargesse

You tip, right? Of course you do. You're an intelligent, attractive, discerning podcast listener. But who all are we supposed to tip, and how much...and why? Also: MORTAL KOMBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!

Episode 13 - We're Nap Experts (Not Really)

This episode's focus: sleep! Why the hell do we sleep? Why do we even need it? What good are dreams? What's your favorite fruit? And have oyu heard the latest about bad behavior at the urinal?

Episode 12 - We're No Extraterrestrials (Or, Strictly Fermi Neighbors)

Does it make sense to believe in aliens? Like...should we? Are they among us? What the hell difference does it make? Also, even more pee talk. Seriously, we'll never run out of pee talk. And "dead ringer!"

Episode 11 - Strictly for My Neighbors

Prepare yourself for an unintentionally local episode as we talk about a bunch of townie shit in the process of examining the big question: What does it take to get you to leave the house? Also a tangent about line jumping and lots of Jonathan coughing because he's got a cold.

Episode 10 - It Sucks to Be Called Smart

Little bit of a surprise this time around as we introduce a new element to the show! Also, Jonathan gets down in the dumps about getting called a genius all the time. Boo hoo. But it can be a burden to be called smart. There's some discussion of that, a surprising new bathroom observation, and some Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon talk.

Episode 9 - Sometimes You Want to Live Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Sure, you've watched TV. But have you really ever examined the interior lives of the characters and thought about how your life might mesh with theirs? This is just a high-flown way of saying, "What TV show would you most like to live in?" It's not that serious.

Episode 8 - We're Norm Experts

Some things are right, and some things are wrong. Why is some shit so important? Especially in the bathroom. Man, do we talk a lot about the bathroom this episode. Prepare to hear a bunch of dumb opinions about norms.

Episode 7 - Be All That You Can Let Yourself Be

We follow up on lying to kids with another scenario. And why is it so damn hard to try something out, like wearing a hat? And what the hell are the short rows, anyway? Loose episode!

Episode 6 - Planes, Trains, and...Submarines?

The brakes are off in this episode. We explore an absurd hypothetical travel situation, tackle an unfamiliar idiom suggested by one of our loyal listeners, and pontificate about workaday composers of yore.

Episode 5 - Which Came First: The Rabbit or the Egg?

With Easter behind us, we reflect on the important question of the holiday: What the hell do rabbits and eggs have to do with Easter? There is no doubt scholarly research on the topic, but we couldn't be bothered to look it up.

Episode 4 - The Five Million Dollar Question

You find five million bucks. Lucky you! Or are you? We're not really sure. Probably not that lucky. Listen and figure it out, then let us know.

Episode 3 - I Ain't Afraid of No Aliens...or Am I?

Episode 3 is here! We discuss the possibility of sailing away with extraterrestrial visitors and all that entails with a short sidebar into specialized parking spots.

Episode 2 - Passing in the Past

Episode 2 is here! In which we briefly discuss vending machines before delving into the question of the day: How far forward (or back) could you travel in time and still get by?

Episode 1 - Dog Thoughts

Episode 1 is live! We discuss dog thoughts, self checkouts, the idiom "a dog's age," and more! I don't really know how to do these posts yet. But hey...I'm no expert.